Introducing the new kid on the block

Moms, imagine waltzing into your home on the arm of brand-new beau. The two of you meet your unsuspecting husband in the living room, where you gush “Here’s your new best friend! Isn’t he just adorable?”

Don’t laugh—variations on this scenario play out whenever parents bring home a new baby. An older child who is quite content in the center of his parents’ universe can see no need for an addition to the family. He may even suggest (or demand) that the baby be sent back!

A child’s anger, confusion, and sense of betrayal are the perfect ingredients for sibling rivalry. A little preparation can help your child channel his feelings appropriately and ease the transition from “me” to “us.”

Try these tips to smooth the way for a new baby:

Give the older sibling a new teddy bear or doll to care for, “just like Mommy cares for the baby.”
Let him help. Even a very young child can pick out a baby’s outfit or find a toy to entertain her.
Tape a photo of the older sibling to hospital bassinet. He’ll be so proud when the nurses know who he is.
Get your child an “I’m a Big Brother” or “I’m a Big Sister” t-shirt to wear when family and friends come to see the new arrival.
When well-meaning visitors coo endlessly over the new baby, draw attention to the older sibling by praising his help or mentioning an accomplishment.
Don’t oversell the new addition—after all, even a toddler will notice the crying, spit-up and dirty diapers!
Reassure him that you love him, and plan as much one-on-one time as possible. Even a quick trip to the store will let the two of you have a chance to talk.
Remember Psych 101: behaviors that are ignored are extinguished, but those that are noticed and complimented are practiced again.

So hug Bobby when you catch him being good, rather than just reprimanding him when he tries to poke little Hannah in the eye.

Even with the best parenting, your children will experience jealousy, anger, difficulty sharing, and competition. But research shows that sibling conflict can be valuable in the long run. Coping with day-to-day disagreements help siblings learn to consider others’ perspectives, to negotiate and compromise, and to control aggressive impulses. Children carry these skills into adulthood and apply them to personal relationships (even with the once-disdained sibling).

Don’t fret if sibling rivalry doesn’t blossom into love overnight. A special bond will develop over time.